Assigning Horror Movies to Your Confessions

HORROR WEB

As Halloween passes us by, it’s only right that we spend the following days embracing our fear through music, outfits and festivities. If you’re lost for ideas on what you could do this month, let us help you out. 

Here at Ink, we believe movies are a great way to start. One good movie can have you running down your hallway, burning your eyes as you keep them open to wash your face and keeping any, if not all of the lights on. To give you a fitting recommendation, it is important to know what you are specifically looking for … by reading your deepest, darkest confessions. Each confession will get three movies resembling them, helping you take part in the season!  

Confession #1 

“I used to go into my 84-year-old neighbor’s garage and take stuff, knowing he would never notice/remember. 😂”

So you’re taking advantage of others, we love to see it! Although I hope you got to claim some sick stuff, you should be wary of others’ spaces. You should also be mindful of your neighbors, as they might not be as clueless as you think. I’ve recommended some films that can help remind you what you could potentially be dealing with. 

(。·  v  ·。) ? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Disturbia” (2007) 

Kale Brecht has lots of free time after being put under house arrest, so he turns to the most interesting activity to help keep him busy: People-watching. By using his camera to understand the lives of his neighbors, he soon becomes wary of Mr. Turner, who he believes to have caught murdering someone. The movie does a great job of attracting the audience to Kale and his suspicion. It’s as if it’s our neighbor instead of just Kale’s, and every time we look through Kale’s camera, we can’t help but fear for our own well-being. 

Barbarian” (2022)

Starting off their trips with an inconvenience, a man and woman find out they’ve booked an Airbnb for the same night. Unable to reach the owner in the late hour, they decide to stay and figure it out the next day. They share a drink for the night and talk about what new opportunities lie for them in this town. What could’ve been a great meet-cute in a rom-com ends up being the exposition for a horrifying, disturbing and genuine “what the hell?” type of movie. As they continue their stay, they realize they might not be the only people sharing that house for the night. 

Rosemary’s Baby” (1968) 

Rosemary and her husband have recently moved into a new apartment with new aspirations of their future together. She soon becomes pregnant and her vision that was once bright becomes bleak and unforgiving. Unsure of why that feeling is apparent, Rosemary is frequently visited by ominous neighbors, who make her believe that the complex might not be a welcoming place for her and her baby.

Confession #2 

“Most of the fits on VCUfits are atrocious and are really just a meme at this point.”

A valid opinion and one that I can see where it’s coming from. Who knows, maybe one day you’ll end up on the page and show everyone how it’s done! Until then, here are some movies that present themselves as scary, but end up making good candidates in the comedy department. 

(¬_¬”)

 “Friday the 13th” (1980)

After it’s shut down for an investigation for murder, Camp Crystal Lake is getting ready to reopen with the help of five counselors. On a Friday that falls on the 13th, one by one the counselors disappear in gruesome death. Left to defend herself, our final girl in the movie learns the killer’s identity — a reveal that causes more laughter than fear. Between the final girl’s expressions, the killer’s resilience and Jason’s appearance, you can’t help but laugh. 

 “Malignant” (2021)

Madison has been experiencing vivid dreams about the murders of people around her. These dreams are gruesome and leave her paralyzed in fear. Unfortunately, she never gets consolation when she wakes up. Her dreams aren’t simply dreams, but a reality. Scared by this pattern, she searches for the reasoning, and ends up finding the killer. Out of fear of spoiling the punchline, just know that the killer’s reveal will bring a smile to your face. 

 “Evil Dead Rise” (2023)

“Naturom Demonto,” is an ancient book written in human blood and sealed with flesh. Possessed by a demon, this book has lived through multiple decades and multiple victims. Its purpose is not only to be read but to help find its owner a host. Danny, the son of the family, finds the book in a hidden vault that he and his siblings found underneath their apartment. Accidentally unleashing the demons, he and his family spend the night in fear as they try to ward off the evil that wants to kill them. The movie begins perfectly, making your skin crawl and forcing your eyes shut. However, as it nears its denouement, you can’t help but view it as goofy.

Confession #3 

“As a child, I was a closeted lesbian and I would choose a guy to have a crush on. So, one day, my cousins and I were watching “Big Time Rush” and they all had someone they liked. They would argue if James or Kendall was hotter and idgaf. So, I chose the ‘guitar guy’ and when it was my turn to tell, I told them. They began to tell my aunt and I immediately started bawling. Nonstop crying. I was so embarrassed … til this day I don’t know why I cried.”

Just like these main characters, you weren’t your true self in the moment, and that’s okay.

⸜(。˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Us” (2019)

A family of four is in shock when they come face to face with their doppelgangers who have ill intentions. As the family tries to escape, they soon realize that it’s not only their family who had a visitor that night, but the whole world. Throughout the movie, we get pieces of the mother’s backstory, that eventually piece together to show that she might not be who she seems.

A Tale of Two Sisters” (2003)

Su-mi and Su-yeon are sisters who are always hand in hand. One day they move to the countryside to live with their father and stepmother. As they start to settle down, they grow wary of their parents, especially the stepmother who is implied to be abusive and jealous of the girls. With events that blur the line between what is real and fake, the audience is left to figure out which is which. 

Jennifer’s Body” (2009)

Best friends Jennifer and Needy go to a concert that leads to Jennifer getting sacrificed to the devil in the band’s ritual for fame. The act goes wrong, and Jennifer becomes a demon that eats the flesh of boys. In hopes of saving her best friend — who fans have argued is also her lover — Needy tries to save Jennifer by destroying the demon inside of her.

Confession #4 

“I suffocated my younger brother in his bed when I was 5.”

I truly hope you have changed since then and that your brother is alive. However, just like these movies, you’ve proved that sometimes we can’t trust our loved ones and that demon children do exist. 

໒꒰ྀི × ˕ ×。꒱ྀི১

The Shining” (1980)

Jack Torrance, an author who’s been experiencing writer’s block, becomes a caretaker of a hotel in the middle of nowhere. As the snow continues to pile around them and Jack is still lacking inspiration, the hotel starts to illuminate a dark presence. This causes Jack’s son’s psychic powers to show, which allows him to see this presence clearly in not only the hotel, but in his own father. 

Midsommar” (2019)

Struck by the grief of her family’s death, Dani is invited by her boyfriend to visit his friend’s town in Sweden for the Midsommar festival. A colorful town with welcoming smiles, Dani finds that the people around her are not what they seem. 

The Omen” (2006)

Adopted son Damien becomes Robert and Katherine’s rock after they’ve lost their stillborn baby. As he grows up, the number of people around the family seems to rise. Both parents soon start to realize that he’s not the sweet boy they once knew.

Confession #5 

“I got my first period at swim practice and noticed when I got out of the pool I was leaving bloody footprints everywhere. So in the bathroom, I was trying to clean up the blood with the one-ply toilet paper when two little girls walked in. Scared out of their minds by the bloody footprints, they said they were going to get the swim coach for help. Out of embarrassment, I ran two miles home barefoot, soaking wet, and bleeding with no towel in my white swimsuit.”

Okay final girl! A whole two miles in that condition is awful and for that I’m genuinely very sorry. However, the image of blood on your white swimsuit has reminded me of some very notable looks in horror that I simply can’t ignore.

.·°՞(¯□¯)՞°·.(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

Ready or Not” (2019)

Grace has just married the love of her life and gained a new family. To welcome her into the pack, her in-laws share their tradition of playing a game together on the night of a wedding. Unfortunately, this game deals with life and death. On what many deem to be their “happiest day,”  Grace is left spending her wedding night trying to escape from the clutches of her in-laws. 

Carrie” (1976)

Carrie deals with bullying from her classmates and abuse from her mother on the daily. One day, she unexpectedly gets asked to prom by her popular classmate, Tommy, marking a change in her routine. Carrie decides to say yes and make the most of the night. Her bitter classmates decide to do the same thing by providing her with a memorable, daunting event. Lacking the support of those around her, Carrie must depend on her new supernatural powers to save her from her situation. 

Suspiria” (1977)

Suzy has become the new girl at her German dance academy. Due to constantly feeling sick, she’s been having a hard time adjusting to her new setting, and it doesn’t help that there’s been a series of murders happening around her. She grows fretful as time passes and soon discovers that this new school might not be what it’s presented as. 

Confession #6  

“One time, I was on a bus from Washington, D.C . to New York City and I desperately had to poop. The bus had a bathroom similar to a port-a-potty with a bowl that could drain pee, but not poop. So, the only choice I had was to s**t into a wad of toilet paper in my hand and bury it in the trash can. I heard people coming out of the bathroom like an hour later whispering about the smell, but I had no other choice.”

I like to believe that sometimes we do have a choice, but I can also sympathize. From what I see, your urge was so strong that it mirrored possession and you did what you had to. I’ve decided to recommend some movies that apply to your crazed state, and what those around you were going through. 

(ง ͠ಥ_ಥ)ง

Ma” (2019)

Maggie is the new girl in school as she moves back to her mother’s old town. She quickly finds her pace as she makes new friends and gets invited to go out. Her friends are eager to get alcohol and plead with a middle-aged woman outside a local corner store to buy some for them. Against their better judgment, they decide to befriend the mysterious woman, which quickly leads them and the people around them to harm. 

Wailing” (2016)

Jong-goo is a police officer who’s been investigating the frequent deaths happening in the village of Goksung. All the deaths have been caused by a strange disease, and the villagers believe it has something to do with someone new that’s moved in. Still unable to find the true cause, Jong-goo’s daughter Hyo-jin catches the disease. Jong-goo’s investigation becomes a race against time as he tries to save his daughter before it’s too late.  

The Birds” (1963)

As they get closer, Mealaine gives Mitch two love birds. A gesture that sets a new tone for their relationship immediately becomes deadly as the birds start attacking Mitch’s loved ones. They soon learn about the birds’ threatening presence, but it’s too late, as they attract a flock and begin to invade the whole town. 

Graphics by Ryan Benson